So I’m on the elliptical at the gym tonight, getting pumped, watching Top Chef when the little alert pops up on my phone and I see this and I couldn’t help but start bursting out laughing.To understand why, you have to understand what Susan is.  

The World Cup this past summer was a dark place, a couple times during the week at 2 in the afternoon and on Sundays at 11, a bunch of us would meet at my favorite pub to watch the games - which usually meant a few of us would black out. This is where we met Susan, an apparent regular and ex hippy in her mid 50s who loved team Brasil. Obviously we all made quick friends because she always brought snacks and would tell awesome stories - she even taught us a recipe for mushroom ice cubes that can keep for months.

Susan could drink any of us under the table, I tried to go drink for drink with her at multiple times, a pint of cider to her pint of Guinness, and I always ended up failing miserably - I’d be cutting myself off and she’d be chain smoking and ordering another few, all the while eating peanut m&m’s like it was her job. She was my own drunk, hippy, fairy god mother. 

For the final we got a huge group together at the pub and of course Susan was there. By the end of the match I was done for, and that’s when Susan invited me outside and smoked me out with her crazy old lady one hitter. I never stopped to think about all those times she told us about being a professional horticulturalist and working for Disney - MISTAKE. So strong, I was so done for. Everyone came back to mine and I immediately passed out for a few hours while they partied without me. 

And since that day I’ve never seen Susan at the pub again. I miss our times together but every once in a while she’ll comment on my page with some Lisa Frank style picture or some quote about “living life” with hearts and flowers. 

Edit: Found this painting of Susan